S.O.S.

I'm an editor at a state university. That means that most of the writing that crosses my desk has been authored by academics, bureaucrats or undergraduates. It's like the Bermuda Triangle of Official Style. So I figured I'd take some time to share a few gems of inflated writing that have crossed my desk today:

• "The deadline to submit the Academic Interest Form for the fall 2011 term is Nov. 1. Failure on behalf of the student to submit this form by the aforementioned deadline will result in an inability to enroll in classes at the University."
• "Fall and spring tuition bill payments submitted via credit card will be processed by NelNet, the University's third-party contractual business partner. Any inquiries about credit card payments should filed directly with this third-party partner."
• "Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among college students in the United States.  If you are currently struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, or if you know someone who is struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, contact the Counseling Center immediately."

It's going to be a long day.